How parents can find help after a child's sexual assault or rape

COLUMBUS, Ohio (WCMH) — The Ohio Network of Children’s Advocacy Centers, which operates 37 locations, said it saw 6,717 sexual abuse cases in 2021 for children ranging from birth to age 18.

That’s thousands of families that must rebuild after some of the worst news a parent will ever hear.

And in the first six months of this year, 218 children 15 years old and younger reported rape or sexual assault to Columbus police.

In Columbus, the Ohio Network of Children’s Advocacy Centers is a single-stop visit for kids who’ve been sexually assaulted or raped. There, a child can be interviewed only once, and the recordings are sent to the prosecutor, said Dr. Christie Jenkins, a spokesperson for the Children’s Advocacy Center.

If the assault happened within 72 hours, take your child to the nearest emergency room or urgent care. Anywhere in Ohio, report it to 855-642-4453 to be connected to law enforcement or local children’s services. Outside of Ohio, call the sheriff, police, or children’s services for your area.

NBC4: How does a parent listen to this very painful story?

Jenkins gave these tips for listening to a child who is revealing sexual abuse or rape:

Remain calm, even though inside you’re in turmoil.
Reassure the child they are brave.
Say: “Thank you for sharing. I’m thankful you chose me to tell.”
Don’t say: “I’m going to take care of this. This is done. They’re going to go to jail forever.”
Instead say: “I’m going to do everything I possibly can to keep you safe.”

Alyssa Todd, of the National Children’s Alliance, added this advice:

Don’t let initial emotions overwhelm you.
Reassure the child you still love them, and this doesn’t change your love for them.
Don’t get angry, even if you’re angry at the person who hurt the child. This can be misinterpreted by the child as anger towards them.
Don’t ask a lot of questions. They should be questioned for a minimal amount of time and by someone who is trained to ask them.

NBC4: Who should the parent or other adult tell first about the child’s revelation?

Jenkins: If your niece comes to you and says, “Mom’s boyfriend raped me last night,” the first stop should be the hospital because you want to collect the forensic evidence for the forensic interview.

If they say someone sexually assaulted me six months ago, then you’re going to want to call children’s services or law enforcement, especially if you know who the perpetrator is and to keep [the child] safe and get them removed from that situation, especially if the perpetrator is still very much in the picture.

NBC4: What are some of the reasons parents hesitate to call?

Jenkins: I think that parents hesitate to call, especially when it’s a family member. They want to give them the benefit of the doubt, or maybe they’ve never seen that side of the perpetrator with the child. I think that people hesitate to call because it will completely uproot their lives.

I have had nonoffending caregivers say to me, “But I don’t drive, and I don’t have a job, and what are we supposed to do? I can’t leave him.” That’s why coming to the children’s advocacy center is so important, because we can help them get a place, and help them get a job so that they don’t need to stay in that situation. I think that’s why it’s hard for many folks to leave.

Because it’s not just sexual abuse, it’s also domestic violence. Many times they are isolated. They’re not allowed to work, so if I leave you, I have nothing.

So helping them to get services, maybe to get into a shelter, until we can get them up and running on their feet is really important because I think they see their entire life unravel by telling someone. And so they think, “I’ll just take care of this,” or “I’ll sweep it under the rug,” and that is not OK.

NBC4: How do you help people deal with shame and guilt when they realize what’s gone on?

Jenkins: Perpetrators are very good at what they do. The average perpetrator will have 100 victims in their lifetime.

[Parents] get so, “Oh, my God, should’ve, would’ve, could’ve.” But what we know is, for years and years we taught folks about “stranger danger.” Watch the person in the van. Don’t let your kids walk to the bus stop by themselves. Then to find out that over 90% of children are sexually abused by someone they know and trust. And so, having those conversations is really important, but we’re not in a society that does that.

Oh, that’s private, or we can’t talk about private parts. We can’t name them the real names. We have to name them something cute or funny so that we don’t approach that topic. So we’re just a nation that is uneducated about sexual abuse and how to prevent it.

NBC4: What are the long-term effects on kids of sexual abuse?

Jenkins: Sexual abuse affects someone throughout their lifetime. It affects their mental health; it affects their health. If you look at the ACES study, which is the biggest study … folks have heart conditions, they have cancer, things that you would not normally think about.

We think that if a child is sexually abused or has domestic violence in their household, they grow up and they might use drugs. They might break the law — these are common things that we think about. We don’t think about them having cancer and having heart conditions, and having all these biophysical ailments.

But that’s what happens from all the stress on the body, and so that’s why it’s so incredibly important to help these children so that they don’t suffer for their entire lifetime.

NBC4: Is there a rebuilding for families after a child is sexually assaulted or raped? How can that happen?

Jenkins: Definitely with wraparound services. Everybody needs help. The nonoffending caregiver needs to know that this is not necessarily their fault, that they can do things to be more protective of their child. They can get their own mental health services.

Many parents of children who were sexually abused were sexually abused themselves, which seems so outlandish because you’d think if I had been sexually abused I was overprotective of my child.

But what we find is that many folks haven’t learned appropriate boundaries, or how to have people be appropriate with their children, or they have been groomed in their life, so then they’re at a higher risk of someone coming along and being like, “Oh! You need a babysitter? I got time and I can do this.”

So, getting them the help that they need as well is really important.

If you think you might have been sexually assaulted or raped, tell a trusted adult like a teacher, coach, the school nurse, parent, or guardian. Call the Ohio Sexual Violence Helpline at 844-644-6435 to talk it over with someone. Don’t like to call? You can text privately instead to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.