Best Chuck Norris jokes in honor of the star’s 78th birthday


COLUMBUS (WCMH) – Chuck Norris, who is now a punchline for toughness, is celebrating his 78th birthday Friday.

Norris is a US Air Force vet, actor, martial arts expert, film producer and a living legend for the memes made in his honor. He’s likely best known for his role on CBS’ “Walker, Texas Ranger.”

To celebrate his birthday, here are some of our favorite Chuck Norris jokes of all time:

  • When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
  • Chuck Norris can speak French… In Russian.
  • Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.
  • Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
  • Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
  • Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
  • Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
  • Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
  • A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
  • Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
  • Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
  • Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
  • Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
  • When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
  • When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
  • If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
  • Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is
  • If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
  • Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

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